The days are running by so quickly, it has been a literal up and down for me.
Home hasn't felt like home for a while, probably a mix of reasons. But adapting to things, looking forward to getting my own place. To have that full independence, but one certainty is, finance will be very tight and need to be extra cautious.
Too many thoughts run through my mind the past months and days, that it becomes a clutter, instead of a clear image of that it is and what I need to do. Even things that shouldn't be a big deal or matters that aren't important clutter and clog my mind.
It has come to a point, my mind and life, that I do not know how not to function without so much thoughts in my mind. And it has affected me in a way that... I don't know how to relax anymore. It's taking a toll emotionally, physically and mentally.
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Emotionally, I get easily frustrated, and take it out too easily on people, specifically a person. Small matters become big issues. And stress levels are too quickly reached.
Physically, I easily tire but feel restless...
But I am so grateful for my partner, who continues to bear me and remind me of how I get at times. To breathe. To relax. Sad to say, easier said than done.
Relaxing should be an easy thing, as the perception goes. Sit down and watch television. Listen to the radio. Read a book.
But because of the clutters in my mind, it seems difficult.
I still have yet to find that balance, which I have so long been trying to do since I've stepped into this continent. But still evades me somehow.
Getting there, slowly, I believe. I hope.
I think of things I want to do, I hope to do. Ideas and dreams more than anything. But financial thoughts quickly kick-in, balancing and budgeting. Have no confidence in saying that I can do what I want, completely, just yet.
And friends. Friends are one of the most important things to have in your life. They balance your life, keep you healthy, fit, and most importantly... sane.
The friends that I have come to hold have gone far, or are too busy with work, so meet-ups and catch-ups are rare. So, between those times, although grateful I am for my partner, there is no one to talk to, laugh with, share random things with, or simply enjoy a good chat with.
It's not as easy as they say to make friends. Most people would have met them through school or work. Friends from my school life are far or busy, and my workmates are older than I that they have families to look after.
I am grateful for one good soul who I feel connected too; busy with her life and family too, but our minds connect on a good level.
Grateful for that.
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Maybe all I need to do is focus on what I would like to do, to try, and experience, and maybe I'll find friends that way. Join a club? (Joining fee) Try new things? (Costs and expenses) Join a class? (Fees fees fess).
Will figure something out soon enough.
Need to breathe. Need to just... be. Need to learn to set time to work, plan, think... And time to do nothing at all...
Breathe in... Breathe out...