In relation the previous post, this mash-up seemed perfect.
For all the girls and boys who may not believe in how beautiful they look.
(I should probably tell myself the same thing.)
Glee Season 2 Episode 18
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Mom's Unexpected Advice
Mom calls me and my brother up once in awhile, to check up on us or talk about ideas she may have for their house.
One day, during one of our litte conversations, she says:
"... You should start putting make-up on and not neglect yourself. You're too young to do that. You can put make-up on even just for work or when you go out..."
That statement completely threw me off.
"Am I really neglecting myself?"
(Did I mention how completely thrown off I was by that comment from my own mother?)
I work seven days a week, most days I wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to catch the 5 o'clock bus to get to work at half past six. My skin is breaking out, I have huge eye bags, and I can't stop eating due to the stress and cold. Not a pretty sight.
In my defense, I do wear make-up, just really light make-up that disappears after a couple of hours...
When my mom mentioned that, the image that came to mind were these over-worked mothers who's hairs were a bit fussed up from all the things they were doing, eye bags hanging out like bull dogs, and big grocery bags and work things in both arms.
Wow.
That couldn't have been how my mom was seeing me, was it? (Not literally like that, but somehow that image or 'persona').
I'm young, yes. And it took that little 'advice' to make me aware of how I've been treating myself lately. Neglect, if that term really applies.
I guess one thing that does stop me are the price tags on make-up products; but is that really a reason not to get at least the basic ones?
Another thing would be is... I guess, I just don't feel pretty enough to put that much effort into it? I don't think I am.
If I were to look at myself, I would see a girl in her early 20's in an occupation equivalent to a househelp or maid with the way she carries herself and the haggard look on her face.
Am I really neglecting my own look and health due to the stress and work of my current situation?
Maybe.
When your own mother tells you to put make-up on to somewhat 'attract' people out there, there should be a huge alarm going off in your head that something really is wrong with you or that you're really letting yourself go.
It really does.
One day, during one of our litte conversations, she says:
"... You should start putting make-up on and not neglect yourself. You're too young to do that. You can put make-up on even just for work or when you go out..."
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
That statement completely threw me off.
"Am I really neglecting myself?"
(Did I mention how completely thrown off I was by that comment from my own mother?)
I work seven days a week, most days I wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to catch the 5 o'clock bus to get to work at half past six. My skin is breaking out, I have huge eye bags, and I can't stop eating due to the stress and cold. Not a pretty sight.
In my defense, I do wear make-up, just really light make-up that disappears after a couple of hours...
When my mom mentioned that, the image that came to mind were these over-worked mothers who's hairs were a bit fussed up from all the things they were doing, eye bags hanging out like bull dogs, and big grocery bags and work things in both arms.
Wow.
That couldn't have been how my mom was seeing me, was it? (Not literally like that, but somehow that image or 'persona').
I'm young, yes. And it took that little 'advice' to make me aware of how I've been treating myself lately. Neglect, if that term really applies.
I guess one thing that does stop me are the price tags on make-up products; but is that really a reason not to get at least the basic ones?
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Another thing would be is... I guess, I just don't feel pretty enough to put that much effort into it? I don't think I am.
If I were to look at myself, I would see a girl in her early 20's in an occupation equivalent to a househelp or maid with the way she carries herself and the haggard look on her face.
Am I really neglecting my own look and health due to the stress and work of my current situation?
Maybe.
When your own mother tells you to put make-up on to somewhat 'attract' people out there, there should be a huge alarm going off in your head that something really is wrong with you or that you're really letting yourself go.
It really does.
Missing: Support System
It was to be expected. Coming to a new country-slash-continent, you know exactly what you are stepping into. Separation from what you're familiar with, the stores you frequented, traffic you've grown accustomed to, and your family and friends: your support system.
You take them for granted when you realize they're not beside you anymore. They're not a quick phone call or SMS away from a meet-up or a drop-by.
I have my brother, who has his girlfriend, and we live in the same house. Constantly the third wheel. Its not that bad really, I'm just grateful for the family and company.
It's been three months since I've stepped into this new soil, and its disheartening to know that I still don't have a 'group' of friends that I know I can run to, or people I can chat up with without a second thought.
There are my program mates, same situation as I am (here from another country to get our registration), but due to the distance and rarity of seeing each other, relationships aren't that easy to build that way. And when I do contact them or make the effort of stirring up a conversation (via Facebook), it becomes a failed attempt when only one or two respond with short replies, or most of the time with no reply at all.
My fear is that I may have become someone no one wants to be around. As I have been trying to plan an outing for the coming winter break since last month, I may have given the impression of being 'the boss' or demanding of their time or response. I don't want to be that person. I actually know someone like that, and although she's a great leader and organizer, as a friend, she still lacks a bit of 'things' to make us completely run to her when we need help.
I 'used' to be that girl whom you can run to when you're having problems, or just want to hang out at home or at a coffee shop. The girl you can call up to catch a movie or simply talk about anything under the sun.
It seems like I'm not that girl anymore. Or at least, that's not how I'm perceived. And it does hurt me, because I know I'm not that 'bossy' girl who's tight-ass or strict all the time.
Restaurant co-workers might think I'm a dork because of how young I look (they think I look 16 years old), and that fact that I don't drink or smoke. Or how I talk at times, because of my random comments of gratitude (they give me a weird look at times when I say 'thank you' for the most mundane things).
So I'm left at home, with urges to talk to someone about the simple happenings of the day, but no one is on the receiving end. When I see an interesting movie that's showing and I can't watch it with my brother and his girlfriend due to their busy schedule, I'm left just staring at the poster.
Does it take longer than three months to find friends, or is it due to my situation of lack of time and the dispersed locations of my program mates? Or am I turning into someone I don't want to be?
Yes. I feel alone now.
Grateful to be in this new country, working towards an opportunity not a lot of people are privileged to have.
But still alone.
Anybody out there want to grab a cuppa joe with me?
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
You take them for granted when you realize they're not beside you anymore. They're not a quick phone call or SMS away from a meet-up or a drop-by.
I have my brother, who has his girlfriend, and we live in the same house. Constantly the third wheel. Its not that bad really, I'm just grateful for the family and company.
It's been three months since I've stepped into this new soil, and its disheartening to know that I still don't have a 'group' of friends that I know I can run to, or people I can chat up with without a second thought.
There are my program mates, same situation as I am (here from another country to get our registration), but due to the distance and rarity of seeing each other, relationships aren't that easy to build that way. And when I do contact them or make the effort of stirring up a conversation (via Facebook), it becomes a failed attempt when only one or two respond with short replies, or most of the time with no reply at all.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
My fear is that I may have become someone no one wants to be around. As I have been trying to plan an outing for the coming winter break since last month, I may have given the impression of being 'the boss' or demanding of their time or response. I don't want to be that person. I actually know someone like that, and although she's a great leader and organizer, as a friend, she still lacks a bit of 'things' to make us completely run to her when we need help.
I 'used' to be that girl whom you can run to when you're having problems, or just want to hang out at home or at a coffee shop. The girl you can call up to catch a movie or simply talk about anything under the sun.
It seems like I'm not that girl anymore. Or at least, that's not how I'm perceived. And it does hurt me, because I know I'm not that 'bossy' girl who's tight-ass or strict all the time.
Restaurant co-workers might think I'm a dork because of how young I look (they think I look 16 years old), and that fact that I don't drink or smoke. Or how I talk at times, because of my random comments of gratitude (they give me a weird look at times when I say 'thank you' for the most mundane things).
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Does it take longer than three months to find friends, or is it due to my situation of lack of time and the dispersed locations of my program mates? Or am I turning into someone I don't want to be?
Yes. I feel alone now.
Grateful to be in this new country, working towards an opportunity not a lot of people are privileged to have.
But still alone.
Anybody out there want to grab a cuppa joe with me?
Thursday, 19 May 2011
First Attempt at 'Pseudo Munchkins'
Moving away from Chocolate Crinkles, I wanted to do something really simple but brought back memories of the good old days... So, I decided to try these.
I'm starting to love desiccated coconut, probably due to the fact that I've recently discovered the yumminess of 'Lamingtons', a sponge cake coated with chocolate icing and desiccated coconut. Delish!
And have also found other recipes that use these little white snowflakes to make healthy icings and other goodies. I will definitely try those out.
Sssshhh... I'm definitely eating too much sweets ever since I've gotten here, and you can completely see where they're all going (double chin, love handles and ASSets).
It has coconut on it. Doesn't that count as healthy?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author Unknown
The name 'Pseudo Munchkins' due to the fact that they're not technically dough nut holes.
They just look like it.
These weren't as moist as I was hoping them to be, so will work on that.
Over-all taste and texture was good.
My score on this attempt: 7/10
I'm starting to love desiccated coconut, probably due to the fact that I've recently discovered the yumminess of 'Lamingtons', a sponge cake coated with chocolate icing and desiccated coconut. Delish!
And have also found other recipes that use these little white snowflakes to make healthy icings and other goodies. I will definitely try those out.
Sssshhh... I'm definitely eating too much sweets ever since I've gotten here, and you can completely see where they're all going (double chin, love handles and ASSets).
It has coconut on it. Doesn't that count as healthy?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author Unknown
Colors after the Rain
The blog title sounds like a music video or a cheesy love song.
Anyways.
I had to go to the university campus 2 hours away from my place (bus and train) to work on some requirements, and it was raining on and off the whole day.
Literally.
One minute it'd be pouring,
the next would be blue skies and fluffy clouds.
Pretty entertaining.
So, on the train, I saw... You guessed it... A rainbow!
Isn't it pretty? It was big and arched perfectly. Nature's wonders at her best.
(The girl behind me must have thought I was a dork as I frantically searched my bag
to get my phone out and take a picture.)
And a random addition,
here's a picture of a hand (my hand)
when you don't use hand cream or
take care of your hands during autumn and winter.
They should use this as a poster to scare people who don't
buy hand creams or who wash their hands too much without putting any moisturizer.
Like those anti-smoking ads where they show a diseased lung. It might work.
Prom Blues and Fears
Just watched Glee's episode on Prom.
(Yes, I'm very delayed with these things. Only had the chance to watch them this week.)
The line that hit me really hard was when Mercedes described what prom should be like...
"... I want the dress. I want a guy. A damn corsage. I just wanted to be Cinderella. Just for one night. One night where a guy would look at me under those corny crepe paper and say "You look so beautiful." And then, he'll grab my hand and ask me to dance. Isn't that what prom should be about?"
All the proms I've attended were nothing close to that. The regret or moment/s in my life that I would want to do again... is prom. Most especially my last prom.
But it might have been karma.
The first prom I went to was my date's last, and I was being a total bitch (didn't understand why at the moment, then later on I found out that it was my first 'day'. I'm an idiot and was very immature for letting my emotions control me). I apologized to him about it, but I know I can't take back what I did. The same as how I can't go back to my last prom to fix it.
In my senior year, I felt my first (and so far, my only) spark with a guy. He attended another school and we met through a common friend. Before 'prom season', we had already known each other for nine months or so, and we knew how each person felt for the other. It was mutual.
It was indirectly implied that we would be each other's prom partners. Very indirectly. (Oh, he didn't have a prom since he went to an all boys' school).
As prom came close, immature and stupid me, slowly felt the 'cold-feet'. In the end, I ended up telling him that I would be taking someone else from my school because I thought he would be really uncomfortable; but deep inside, it was just my fear of going out on a 'real' date with someone I had real feelings for. It was just too good to be true and that I didn't want to risk the possibility of it breaking apart. So ended up preventing it from happening at all. I know. Wimp.
I took a friend of mine instead, who was two years younger than I was. He spent the whole night being a puppy dog trying to get the attention of another girl he's liked for months. I was left neglected, depressed, and completely regretting not bringing the one guy I knew deep in my heart I wanted to be with on that special night.
(Even my dress and make-up was horrible that night. The whole night was a disaster.)
You cannot deny it: prom is a big deal in a person's life.
Whether with a special someone or a friend, it should be a night of happiness and fun.
Your last horray and farewell before walking in to the 'real world'.
Because of the whole prom situation, me and 'Mr. Sparky' didn't talk too much after, and later on stopped talking all together.
I still think of him. And I still think of the wasted memory my last prom came to be.
Watching the episode on Glee just brought back those full feelings of regret. How I never got to have the feeling of being 'Cinderella' for one night. Or on any other night (even dates). But I know I've been loved and am still loved by family and friends.
It's just different when you have that one special night where someone takes that extra effort to be your perfect date and treats you like a delicate elegant lady; where the set-up of the basketball court or function room transforms into a wonderland of stars and glitter; and you feel like you're worth a diamond because of the gentleman holding your hand.
I hope and pray that when 'my man' comes into my life, that maybe somehow he'll make my 'fixation' on that little stage of my life disappear. Make me feel the way I should have felt that night.
Or if not, I hope and pray that one day I will be able to make it up to either of those boys and make their 'prom moments' right.
My immaturity, my fear, my unwillingness to believe in better things for myself... caused me to lose a precious moment in my life. It has happened after again, where something too good to be true comes along and I start to become pessimistic about it, or I don't allow myself to be happy or act on it. Then the moment fades away, and I'm left with crumbs and dust in my hand.
Lesson learned :
Seize the moment.
Don't let fear paralyse you for it does nothing but take away moments that would have lasted for a lifetime.
(Easier said than done, isn't it?)
(Yes, I'm very delayed with these things. Only had the chance to watch them this week.)
The line that hit me really hard was when Mercedes described what prom should be like...
"... I want the dress. I want a guy. A damn corsage. I just wanted to be Cinderella. Just for one night. One night where a guy would look at me under those corny crepe paper and say "You look so beautiful." And then, he'll grab my hand and ask me to dance. Isn't that what prom should be about?"
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
But it might have been karma.
The first prom I went to was my date's last, and I was being a total bitch (didn't understand why at the moment, then later on I found out that it was my first 'day'. I'm an idiot and was very immature for letting my emotions control me). I apologized to him about it, but I know I can't take back what I did. The same as how I can't go back to my last prom to fix it.
In my senior year, I felt my first (and so far, my only) spark with a guy. He attended another school and we met through a common friend. Before 'prom season', we had already known each other for nine months or so, and we knew how each person felt for the other. It was mutual.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
As prom came close, immature and stupid me, slowly felt the 'cold-feet'. In the end, I ended up telling him that I would be taking someone else from my school because I thought he would be really uncomfortable; but deep inside, it was just my fear of going out on a 'real' date with someone I had real feelings for. It was just too good to be true and that I didn't want to risk the possibility of it breaking apart. So ended up preventing it from happening at all. I know. Wimp.
I took a friend of mine instead, who was two years younger than I was. He spent the whole night being a puppy dog trying to get the attention of another girl he's liked for months. I was left neglected, depressed, and completely regretting not bringing the one guy I knew deep in my heart I wanted to be with on that special night.
(Even my dress and make-up was horrible that night. The whole night was a disaster.)
You cannot deny it: prom is a big deal in a person's life.
Whether with a special someone or a friend, it should be a night of happiness and fun.
Your last horray and farewell before walking in to the 'real world'.
Because of the whole prom situation, me and 'Mr. Sparky' didn't talk too much after, and later on stopped talking all together.
I still think of him. And I still think of the wasted memory my last prom came to be.
Watching the episode on Glee just brought back those full feelings of regret. How I never got to have the feeling of being 'Cinderella' for one night. Or on any other night (even dates). But I know I've been loved and am still loved by family and friends.
It's just different when you have that one special night where someone takes that extra effort to be your perfect date and treats you like a delicate elegant lady; where the set-up of the basketball court or function room transforms into a wonderland of stars and glitter; and you feel like you're worth a diamond because of the gentleman holding your hand.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Or if not, I hope and pray that one day I will be able to make it up to either of those boys and make their 'prom moments' right.
My immaturity, my fear, my unwillingness to believe in better things for myself... caused me to lose a precious moment in my life. It has happened after again, where something too good to be true comes along and I start to become pessimistic about it, or I don't allow myself to be happy or act on it. Then the moment fades away, and I'm left with crumbs and dust in my hand.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Lesson learned :
Seize the moment.
Don't let fear paralyse you for it does nothing but take away moments that would have lasted for a lifetime.
(Easier said than done, isn't it?)
Monday, 16 May 2011
Gratitude Gift to FFS
Baked a new batch of Crinkles, made especially for the FFS ward.
I didn't keep it this time! Only ate one from the batch!
Made a special box as well, trying to experiment on how it would look to use recycled things (box of napkins without the napkins, old 'specials' pamphlet from an auto shop). It came out fairly pleasing to the eyes, but I may be biased towards my own 'creations'. Comments?
Obviously the manner of packaging and ensuring the cookies staying intact needs to be worked on, but for my first attempt, I'm quite contented with this one. Will keep experimenting on packagings and such when I can.
“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.” — Albert Camus
Friday, 13 May 2011
First Batch of Chocolate Crinkles in AU
These are the first batches of Chocolate Crinkles I've made here!
I screwed up the order of the ingredients, but they still came out moist and tasty.
It made me quite happy.
Seriously.
I baked them with the intention of giving it to the nurses who took care of us (student nurses) as it was my last day today. But... Changed my mind. Ssshh...
I'll bake another batch for them! I swear!
Baking really does make me happy. A shame I can't do it everyday, but grateful enough to know that I've found love in it.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Mother's Day Breakdown
An hour or two into the shift at the restaurant, as families filed in with bouquets and gifts for their own wonderful mothers, I ran to the back and I couldn't stop tearing up.
Yes. Homesickness. And it hit pretty hard and quick.
Didn't expect to be so affected, but I was. It would happen intermittently but I would keep breathing deeply and telling myself to get my head in the game. It was a very busy day; all the tables were booked and people were still filing in.
It was a terrible feeling, and it hit me pretty hard today.
I remembered my Sundays with my mum. My dad would be off playing golf early in the morning, so that would leave me and my mum to go off to hear mass and have our Sunday lunch. I am the youngest. So all my siblings went off with their own lives in other countries while I remained with my mother till the time was right.
I am here in another country. Now I have the chance to live my own life and build it up the way I dream it to be and whatever God will's it to be.
Be it I become a doctor, a nurse practitioner and/or an entrepreneur. God's will be done. And the best can only be hoped and to strive for.
I need to stay strong and keep myself together. I'm slowly falling into pieces.
Probably should use my feelings of homesickness for a positive energy. That's how sad I feel, but they deserve the best from me. So I'm going to keep trying.
Still breathing. Still breathing.
P.S.
Happy mother's day to all young and old mothers. You are the world to your children, whether they admit it or not.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Yes. Homesickness. And it hit pretty hard and quick.
Didn't expect to be so affected, but I was. It would happen intermittently but I would keep breathing deeply and telling myself to get my head in the game. It was a very busy day; all the tables were booked and people were still filing in.
It was a terrible feeling, and it hit me pretty hard today.
I remembered my Sundays with my mum. My dad would be off playing golf early in the morning, so that would leave me and my mum to go off to hear mass and have our Sunday lunch. I am the youngest. So all my siblings went off with their own lives in other countries while I remained with my mother till the time was right.
I am here in another country. Now I have the chance to live my own life and build it up the way I dream it to be and whatever God will's it to be.
Be it I become a doctor, a nurse practitioner and/or an entrepreneur. God's will be done. And the best can only be hoped and to strive for.
I need to stay strong and keep myself together. I'm slowly falling into pieces.
Probably should use my feelings of homesickness for a positive energy. That's how sad I feel, but they deserve the best from me. So I'm going to keep trying.
Still breathing. Still breathing.
P.S.
Happy mother's day to all young and old mothers. You are the world to your children, whether they admit it or not.
 |
| (retrieved through google.com.au) |
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Sunday, 1 May 2011
Anouk
After setting up my bed upon arrival in Melbourne,
we went down to join the festivities, as it was my best friend's uncle's birthday.
In the middle of the festivities, my best friend tells me to go upstairs,
as I have a sneaky guest on my bed.
Anouk, silent little minx that she is, sneaked her way past all the guests and into my bed.
Curled into a ball and sleeping soundly, away from the coldness outside and
noise from our little dinner party.
Darling, isn't she?
Betty Crocker Choco Muffins
Woke up this morning to the smell of warm chocolate goodness.
My brother's girlfriend woke up early and decided to bake Betty Crocker's Choco Muffins.
Doesn't matter if it came from a box.
The love you feel from the effort of baking and
the goodness of chocolate all rolls into
a great equation of early morning bliss.
Yum.
Melbourne, the city of autumn elegance
Went down to Melbourne to visit my best friend and her family (she was there visiting her mom and she 'coaxed' me into going down there as well during my mid-semester break).
Melbourne is a gorgeous city. Gorgeous. I’ve lost count on the number of times I’ve said that word during my stay, gawking at the buildings, the life and the beauty of everything. It had a European feel, and the browning autumn leaves added ambiance to the whole experience.
As my best friend’s mother described, “If the three cities were people: Sydney would be the confident man in his tailored suit, Melbourne would be the elegant European lady, and Brisbane, the surfer dude enjoying the tropical breeze.”
Her mom ‘encouraged’ my love for the city as well, blowing at my growing flames of love for the city, with her intermittent small talk of its beauty, the art and theatre available and visible, even to the point of offering me help if I ever decide to move down in the future. Chances of that are now 70%, most likely in a year or so. Influence is a great changer.
My holiday down in the city of Melbourne was a splendid refreshing break from reality. There really is nothing like the feeling of being surrounded by the people you love and experiencing familiar cultures in a gorgeous new city.
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