Scratching Old Wounds

Its a wonder how emotions can play tricks on you. Being still and silent and transformed into a monster with a tiny provocation...

Closest friend of mine back home is a nurse like me. We've gone through things in college and shared a bond from then on. She's aware of my past and my secrets. I am aware of most of hers (I have a feeling she has more under her sleeves), but I accept her for all she is nonetheless.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

She messaged me a couple of days back about how she is now in the same hospital area as my ex. The word that was repeated with no fail in her message was "awkward". Co-workers knew who she was in relation to me and my ex, even his current girl. Described to me that her co-workers at one point didn't understand why my ex and I decided to end it without trying a long distance relationship when they can clearly see how in-love we were. She calmly explained to them that my intentions were pure and, as they can all see now, it was for his good and happiness: he's with a new girl. My ex apparently described me to them as the nicest girl he's met. Reading that line was a relief and a sting too. I still think fondly of him, and probably always will.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

Reading the letter was like scratching at an old scar with the scabs peeling off with a bit of fresh flesh. I haven't thought of him or 'us' in a while and the letter stirred up old emotions of pain and sadness. I still think we were a great match; a partnership that could not fail because it always worked out, despite the valleys and falls. And I honestly can't imagine a partnership like that for myself anytime soon. Even with my current 'partner', it's more of companionship and happy-feeling s. It's not a bad thing, it's just not... the real thing?

Nonetheless, I'm happy that my ex is happy.
I'll get there soon enough...

Advice from an FB App: Contentment

On this day of your life, we believe God wants you to know ... that contentment comes from unconditional love.

When you love conditionally, you have to keep deciding if the other is worthy of your love. You can never let go of your guard enough to be content. Why not decide once and for all, and love once and for all. And be content.

Start of the Next Chapter

Realized last night that I haven't blogged in the longest time. So much has been going on; changes and a beginning of a new chapter.

(retrieve via google.com.au)

Been in the new unit for close to three weeks and I'm comfortable and calm. It isn't a hectic environment around, and I guess the lack of furniture allows so much space to enjoy and embrace. No clutter or bulks around. For now at least.

Its my second week with the new job and there's just so much things to learn, read, routines to pick up, flows I need to understand; but the staff and doctors have been pleasant so far. And it's encouraging. Two were even nice enough to lend me chairs to use in the unit while I save up enough to buy my own.

Finance-wise, things are still tight and there are still things I need to get (my priority being my airfare for my brother's wedding and possibly a stop-over home) and earning money for myself from a career I have been studying for is different. And good.

All-in-all, it really is just the start of a new chapter and things will slowly unfold but at this very point of time, it seems everything will be alright. With time and faith, all things meant to be will be.

This was a very quick run through wasn't it? I guess when it comes to writing, most people are only driven to write such 'hard-core' blogs when they're in such a tight and difficult situation. In this state, all I really am is... grateful. Very grateful.

One step at a time...