Big 'Brother' turned Creep

This happened during the holidays, but I've only decided to share this now as I believe that this blog would not be accurate or incomplete if I do not state all minor and major changes or experiences in my life. 

This whole blog is not intended to please others or make a statement in the world, but as a journal or evidence of my own growth, either good or bad. 

Meeting new friends and staying out all night, holidays were great stress relief and experience. I would stay overnight at a friend’s place when drinking would take place there; it was an atmosphere of bonding and friendship.

We had dinner in the city one night and headed off to my friend’s place to drink. The night slowly came to a close and people made their way home. Without any public transportation available at such a late hour, I had to stay for the night again. K, AB and M went up to their rooms while A, T and I remained in the living room to finish the bottle of Jim Beam. 'A' fell asleep on the bean bag and T offered his room for my comfort while he would remain with A in the living room.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

He brought me up, showed me some towels and switched on the heater. I settled into bed with my body aching (walked around the city a lot) and a head that felt light from the alcohol.

I heard T shut the door, but unexpected;y felt something climbing into bed with me. I turned around to see him there. He promised to behave and that he simply wanted to just lie down in his own bed.

T is the ‘big brother’ in the group, watching out for the safety of others and calling the shots when things get out of hand. He was to be trusted. Or so I thought.

I agreed, inching away from him and keeping a big gap between the two of us.

I slowly felt myself drifting off to sleep, when I felt something touching my waist. I pushed his hand away and he repeated “sorry’s” and again reassured that he would not touch me again.

I inched farther away and rested my head back on the bed. Minutes passed and I felt something touching my lower back. I sat up and turned to get out of bed. He grabbed my arm, with a strong grip saying that he completely promise not to do anything anymore. The amount of strength he used frightened me and I lay back down into bed, inching even further down the edge of the bed.

Minutes passed again, and I feel a stroking along my waist and a hand going into my shirt.

I jumped up and ran to the door, but he ran and blocked my way. I stepped away from him.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

For half an hour or more, I tried and reason with him to step away from the door and to let me out. He kept repeating, “Just hold on a second and let me think.” I reasoned that he wasn’t helping the situation by blocking the door, that there was nothing to do, that the best thing to do was to let me go home, that he was drunk, illogical and could not make any decision or think clearly in that situation. Past the half-hour marker, my voice raised and my hands were shaking and I started to grab things in his room and throw them off. He continued to stay in my path. I had never felt so much anger, disrespect and hate for anyone in my life, nor have I raised my voice as much as I did to even my friends or enemies. The urge to hit him was so strong, but I knew that it would simply aggregate the situation and I knew he had the strength to pin me down.

I was in complete amazement of how no one came knocking on the door from all the noise we were causing. Knocked out by alcohol or complete wimps.

He finally let me out of the room, after making a deal that I would drink water before leaving.

We headed down. I drank the glass of water and headed out of the door.

I noticed him getting his jacket and slippers. Quickly I told him to stay in the house. Coming with me to the railway station was not necessary, and the best thing for him to do was to go upstairs and sleep off his ‘drunkness’.

Again, a half an hour ‘debate’ erupted, and it ended with me simply turning around and walking as fast as I can to the railway station. I heard footsteps and turned around to see him following me. My anger reached its peak. Highest it has ever been  in my life. I screamed out at him, “Don’t you dare come near me at all!”, “Just f*** off, just get the f*** away from me!” All these until I finally got to the platform and approached the first woman I saw if that were heading to the city (although I knew I was on the right one). I turned around and saw him across the fence. Not less than a minute and the train arrived and I jumped in without looking back again and sat amongst people starting a new day of good things, while I was ending my night of a bad trip. 

I sat in silence the whole time, staring blankly into space and completely empty.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

I fell into bed and in my sleep felt it all again and cried; waking up to a wet pillow and the feeling of being used.