I haven’t woken up to any dreams the past months. When I say ‘woken up to’, it’s when you wake up and you still have a dream lingering or a memory of it (saying this in relation to a theory that all people dream, it’s a matter of whether they remember it when they wake up or not). My dreams usually involve strange happenings and environments, impossible acts and unrecognizable faces.
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Finally, had a dream, but it was one completely unexpected.
Before I go on, here are some theories as to the purpose of dreams:
> physiological benefits
> preserve sleep
> represenation of unconscious desires, thoughts and motivations (Freud)
> "...most creative conscious state, one in which the chatoic, spontaneous recombination of cognitive elements produces novel configurations of information: new ideas." (subjective interpretation of signals generated by the brain) (J.Allan Hobson & Robert McClarley)
The little bit of memory I have of the dream is…
I met Mr. Opinionated (please refer to previous post) somewhere outside that had a slight elevation (possibly a hill) and it was at night. It wasn't too bright. More of yellow dim lights, but unaware of where or what they were. There were others around, I suppose. We started to walk up and he held my hand. This part felt real. They were strong, firm, and warm. I noticed him cringing as we walked up. He was clutching his side and a thought came to mind that he was stabbed, but the wound was old. He said not to mind it and that he was fine (no actually words, more of an understanding or his body language); smiling to assure me everything was alright. We continued up the hill. And it cuts short there.
Don’t remember if the dream continues on, or if I simply forgot. That’s all I can remember as of now.
(Did I mention how my dreams usually involve unrecognizable people, not someone from my own life?)
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I woke up from this in complete disbelief. I remained in bed shaking my head, repeating to myself “No, no, no. Don’t even start. Don’t delude yourself. Don’t even think about liking him.No, no, no.”
Confused? Let’s talk about the events that occurred before this dream.
From the previous post, you would have read about how we met, as well as my financial situation.
His friends suggested that I approach him as he would be knowledgeable in looking for a part-time job and may have the privilege of using his connections.
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Called him up and tried to set-up a time to meet and discuss it (I was uncomfortable talking over the phone about such a serious matter). We were to meet the night of the call, but as I checked the bus stop, I would not be able to go home if I were to meet him, so I called him again to postpone it to after lunch the next day.
Next day came, and I waited in the city. Called him twice, sent him three messages all within the span of the two or three hours I waited for him. He did not reply or call, so I decided to go home. In the evening, I received a text from him saying that he was sorry and that he had fallen asleep. He asked when I would be free next. I told him I would only be free the next night.
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Next night came, but I did not expect at all a meeting or anything from him, as he did not reply to my message the day before. He called me up as I was about to have dinner, and told me that him and his friends were going to have dinner and asked me to join so that we could discuss about jobs too. I told him ‘ok’, but later on messaged him that I would not be able to join dinner but would catch up after. Finished dinner early and hoped to catch up with them before they headed off to dinner. I called and told him I would be in the city within the hour, he told me that they were be going to another suburb (N) and did not know the specific location of the restaurant. My eye twitched. I said it was alright and that I would just wait for them in a suburb near the city (V). After watching an hour of Lord of the Rings, I left the house and headed off. Once I got to suburb V, I called him up (Note: on this night, the calls were made and answered by his friend, not him) and told him where I was and that I would wait for them. He asked me to meet them in the city instead. Closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Headed to the city.
Finally met them. We talked for about 30 minutes with his friends around, not even continuously as he could not give me much details or names, just general advice I probably could have gotten off someone else. In the portions where I briefly talked about my situation, he would look around as if no interest. Clenched my first. They had to head off and catch their bus and he asked if I would be alright on my own. My mouth twitched. I said I’d be fine. Said our good-byes and headed back to my bus stop. Then home.
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| (retrieved via google.com.au) |
The transition of my impression of Mr. Opinionated from the first time I met him went from 'good-looking' to 'smart and opinionated' to 'a bit uptight' and finally to 'rude and disrespectful'.
I even got all giddy when he left two little comments on my Facebook wall a couple of days before this. One as a ‘reaction’ or ‘opinion’ about a status message I posted (‘Little boys talk; Real men do.”), and a message on my wall saying that he heard that I have fenced (the sport) in the past.
Went home from that little meeting quite grateful for the input he’s given me, but turned-off by the rudeness he presented. I was disappointed and told myself to forget it, he’s great on a superficial level but hollow on the inside.
The next morning from the little meeting… I had that dream.
Hence, my reaction of complete disbelief and continuous lecturing to myself that I cannot feel anything for him. It’d be a waste of time. He’s not worth my time if he can’t even give me his. He's obviously not interested or have any feelings for me at all.
| (retrieved via google.com.au) |
In all honesty, I don’t know what the dream means. All I know is that, I can’t afford to fantasize about someone I will not have a future with, who couldn’t even make the effort to wake up or wait a bit longer for me.
Boo-!
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