Distraction

The pain and hurt is still present, although my educated mind understands completely that I shouldn’t be. We’ve been apart for months; it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Before the ‘news’, I have been getting to know others and getting along well with the rest; but, as soon as the ‘news’ hit, subconsciously perhaps, I started to become more open to a guy who was the closest to me at the time. He’s makes me laugh and is such a sweetheart, he’s a nice guy. A nice guy. Typically not one I would be attracted to but he does have looks, and with a bit of work, girls would probably be chasing after him. He had become my distraction.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

It took me a couple of days to realize what I may be doing to him, practically using him just to comfort myself and my hurting ego. Before my realization, we were getting comfortable, knowing each other more, and reaching to a point of getting to know each other on a serious level and maybe even a commitment, official or not. I believe it was the point where it was closing on as a commitment that I got slapped out, and my normal ‘chicken’ self popped its head up and started to question whether what was going on was real or not. Was it based on feelings for my ex ‘moved’ towards another, or did I genuinely like this new guy?

I couldn’t handle using someone and being aware of it. It just wasn’t it me. I explained the situation and I proposed that we strictly become friends until my hurt ego heals itself or at least recuperates from the blow; at least when the time comes that I am thinking clearly, I would be confident of my own emotions and what I want to do about it.

Another little thorn or distraction: I still like his good friend, the bartender. It is part of the reason why I don’t want to become more than friends just yet, since it would completely wipe out my chances of getting know his friend. Wouldn’t it be right to take a risk for someone you completely feel for? (I’ve liked him for months now.)

On the other hand, his friend hasn’t made a move, or even attempted to do anything. Do I allow myself to wait around for something that might not come?

Decision for all this: just stop it all. Be friends with both. See how things go.

I’m still young, there’s no rush.

(Easier said than done, hey?)

P.S.
Despite the distractions, I still think about my ex; but probably not as much as it would if I didn't have any. I don't know. Doing my best to heal. I know I'll get there. Just don't want to use anyone just to reach it.