Current State of Mind

It’s all coming to an end soon, and so is my physical, mental and emotional level. I’m feeling drained and tired of everything; getting tired easily too. I would prefer to bum around the house than work (I would imagine a lot of working people would agree to this statement). I’m sighing a lot just to be able to lessen that tightness; blank staring is a cherished holiday.

I had training at my new second job at a fine dining restaurant, and I was so tired during and after. It wasn’t physically draining as the bar job, and I felt it odd to feel so tired though. Realized that I didn’t talk to any of my co-workers because we were all busy, no customers because it wasn’t part of my job, and I guess socializing in general is important; even outside of work. Talking, catching up, sharing stories and simply being with another person does help you cope and enjoy life. I talk with my brother and J but not to the point of a conversation, but more of a passing “did you know” or little updates as “so you know”.

In general though, I do not know what genuinely makes me happy anymore. Watching movies is temporary, food is temporary and leaves a damaging effect on my body (fats!) and the few close friends I have are usually busy with other things. What makes me happy?

I made a post a couple of days ago about a dance showcase I watched and talked about how happy it made me feel and the realization of what I wanted to do; but I obviously can’t do that now. What has always kept me going back home to get me out of the glooms or was something out of the norm of my routine life?

Then I remembered my ex-partner. I woke up crying again this morning because of a dream I had of him. Again. But I know I don’t need a partner to make me happy. I just need to figure it out soon before my state of mind spirals down further...