New Year, New Me

2011 is coming to a close and in this holiday season, I had time to reflect and 'refresh' my total self, especially with my famliy around to remind me who I am.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

My time throughout the weeks and months were focused not on myself, but on other things and sometimes on other people. Supporting a depressed friend or planning little outings for the group when possible.  Moments when it was about me was when I was eating, probably the reason why I gained so much weight, because I viewed it as a 'treat' to myself, rather than other manners of 'rewarding' myself, such as exercising, reading, even just going to a new park or place. My 'personal time' was eating. I had no balance and I did not take control of my own life.

This year needs to be different. I need to take control of myself. My time, my efforts, my emotions.

(retrieved via google.com.au)

And with that said, here are the following 'plans' for the coming year:

a      Lose Weight Be Healthy

(retrieved via google.com.au)

Weight loss as a goal has never really been a great method to inspire yourself to go for it. For me, I think the bigger motivation would be to be healthier. The past months, I haven’t had any exercise besides work and working from place to place, and my diet is horrible (muffins, cakes, ice creams, etc). Not great. Being healthy would entail finding and sticking to a form of exercise that works for my schedule and also adapting an eating habit that is good for my body yet gives me contentment.

Diet: plain and simple -> more vegetables, more fruits, less oil and sugar

Exercise: Sister’s hubby suggested pilates (can be done at home and stretches the muscles, which I need); swimming (nearby community swimming pool); gym (paying gym membership); dance classes (contemporary or hip-hop).

An upside as well with these choices is that it will provide me a platform to meet people (hopefully) and socialize (especially with my friends going to different places and others simply disappearing).

b.      Focus: Me

Baby steps.
(retrieved via google.com.au)

The year has been spent balancing and surviving. This year, it’s obviously clear that I need to focus on myself and get to know myself again as an individual: my flaws, my weaknesses, my strengths, my ticks and my comforts.

After my break up with my long time boyfriend, I can’t deny that I sought out attention from others too quickly, but after this rejection from PJ, looking and wanting men has not been appealing anymore. More rather, it’s scary and hurtful; scared of another rejection and feeling the unworthiness of being attracted to. When given that little bit of attention, I reply without any ‘add-ons’; a simple answer to their question.

With this, it’s a further push for me to focus on ‘who’ and ‘what’ I am on my own.

It’s still hurting and I guess it’s self-inflicted too, but I guess it’s the necessary pain to drive me to move forward and become better.

So, those are my goals. Not a full grocery list as others, just two simple yet heavy goals for the year. It’s better to work on one or two to perfection, than a whole set with only half-baked results.

Project for the first six months: Apartment

It’s my own space and my first as an independent person with my personal finances too. I will slowly build up the place and set my ‘signature’ into my own little piece of the world.

Next six months: To Be Announced (when I actually think of something.)

And that’s it. That is what is to come for the year 2012.

It’s going to be MY year. I can’t wait for my transformation. It’ll be hard and difficult but great in the end. Positive thinking; positive outcome.

Watch and see.